Why Don’t Straight Men Hold Hands? | Decoded

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– When you see two guys
holding hands what do you think is going on? Your answer will not surprise me (upbeat music) look there a lot of reasons
not to hold hands maybe you have a cold maybe your
palms are sweaty maybe your fingers are coated
in a slimy layer of Cheeto dust that you tired licking
off but then turned into an orange paste stuck under your
nails but then there are a few totally bogus reasons
that have straightes dudes freaked out ever where at the
idea of physical contact with another man so we won’t call
it mans-explaining but I have found the perfect straightes
dude to help explain hey there Kenny touched any dudes lately? – So many Franchesca some
how I’m still straight look showing affection
friendship of familiarity through touch is perfectly normal
and it’s actually instinctive one of our first impulses as
dumb little babies is to hold stuff it’s so instinctive
there’s actually a name for it it’s the Palmer Grasp Reflex
it’s a reaction in human babies and many other mammals prompting
them to grab an object like a finger in response to its
touch that’s right even in a state where our skulls are
mushy and we’re liable to crap ourselves we still understand
that touch is natural and it isn’t always romantic you
know but at some point middle school non sexual touch
between men gets stigmatized and a lot of it comes down
to the absurd social norms we impose on young men called
toxic masculinity and no toxic masculinity is not a new energy drink – But before we go any further
let’s just point out that toxic masculinity doesn’t
mean that men are inherently bad or toxic it’s the idea
that the cultural expectation and restrictions on what
constitute masculinity or a real man can be extremely damaging – Toxic masculinity because
holding back your emotions required energy well not every man buys into
these cultural expectation almost every man in this country
has been affected by them when was the last time you just
went up to your boy and you were like yo lets hold hands
mother (bleep) and he was like hell yeah my dude and what’s
funny is that our reluctance to hold hands is because it’s gay
or feminine and that assumes that there is something wrong
with men being gay or feminine there’s not – The idea that straight men
holding hands is inherently gay reached a fever pitch not so
long ago during the height of a boy band you might of
heard of called One Direction two of the bands members Louie
Tomlinson and Harry Styles were known for their close
friendship they were frequently photographed hugging, holding
hands, and even kissing fans obsessed over their connection
to the point where a rumor started that the two might
be in a romantic relationship the thing is despite the
massive amount of shipping fan faction that I’m sure was
probably written they were not romantically connected they
both said so so many times the things is fans wouldn’t
let up they even created a name for the supposedly gay couple
Larry really that’s it that is so basic the band has since
broken up but in 2017 Louie Tomlinson confirmed that his
friendship with Styles was changed by fans insistence
that their friendly affection made them gay he told Seventeen
magazine it created this atmosphere between the two of
us where everyone was looking into everything we did. It
made everything a little bit more unapproachable and I
don’t believe I’m going to say this but how dare you
do that to One Direction Directioners don’t come for me – What might seem like an
insensitive homophobic joke that’s so gay or you guys
are so gay for each other is actually an insidious way of
policing masculinity a study with over 19 thousand
participants at the University of Indiana showed that men who
adhere to hyper masculine norms such as the objectification
of women, self reliance, and repressing emotional expression
typically suffer from mental health issues and these include
depression, and increased suicidal thoughts and that
study doesn’t even mention the poor guys that are bullied
for not being hyper masculine so lets be clear whether you
adhere or not toxic masculinity helps no one and makes us all
sad and want to kill ourselves call me a radical but maybe
we should get rid of it and this fear of holding hands
is also pretty exclusively a western phenomenon – Samir Khalaf a sociology
professor in Lebanon told the New York Times back in 2005
that holding hands is the warmest expression of affection
between men in Arab culture it’s a sign of solidarity and
kinship the same can be said for men in Latin American
countries that often greet each other with a hug or kiss on
the cheek or in India where men are often seen walking
down the street holding hands or even in Uganda where men
demonstrating platonic physical affection is normal despite
being a country with some of the harshest anti LGBT laws in
the African continent America land of the free except not
really free for a man to hold another mans hand – It’s just this guys it’s all
it is we’re not really asking you to touch wieners here unless
you want to which of course is cool besides holding hands
feels good it actually prompts your body to generate
oxytocin a neural transmitter associated with feelings of
trust and generosity aka things that make you happy so if we
know touch is good and strict masculine social norms are
bad what should us guys do to change it? Well here’s some stuff start
paying attention to when people are forcing their own
ideas of gender onto you reject that watch out for
things like gendered colors, gendered toys, gendered sports,
gendered careers, because all these things do is create
very narrow spaces for people to explore and be themselves – In other words pink is just
a color if you think it looks good on you go for it and this kind of thinking is
extra important if you’re a parent but if all of this sounds
like a lot of work there is one little thing you can
do the smallest of gestures – Find another guys and
hold his (bleep) hand it’ll probably be weird at
first okay but I promise if you’re attracted to women
holding another dudes hand is not going to change that
and after you get over breaking a social taboo it’ll actually
feel nice it might even make healthier and if that’s too
much I get it you might want to build up to it alright maybe
start out with one of those bro dude arm around the shoulder
things you know maybe try giving your bro a hug without
having to slap the feminine energy out of him so hard that
you leave marks on his back maybe even just give a fist
pound if you’re a started and just hold it there for a
minute let your knuckles really absorb each others oxytocin
what ever you gotta do alright back to you Franchesca – Thanks Kenny now that we’ve
squashed some homophobic ideas about intimacy and
shown just how much toxic masculinity can deprive us
of literally life saving interactions the rest is up
to you finding little ways to affirm and support each other
doesn’t make a guy any less manly but it could make you
and the people you love a lot happier thanks for watching
and thanks again to Kenny Deforst and we’ll see you next
time right here on Decoded.

100 COMMENTS

  1. I have held hands with guy friends..not for like 10 minutes but for a a few seconds or so.

    We're close, that's all, but the only person I feel like holding hands with for a long time are female friends or a boyfriend or girlfriend, since I in fact do like both genders.

  2. Why should they? It's not like everyone is walking on a pitching and rolling deck of a ship in bad weather. This may shock the idiots at MTV, but human behavior is often highly contextual. In the west, straight people reserve certain acts of affection for those closest to them and other acts for those more distant. Why don't we kiss our bosses? Why don't we give handjobs to each other in the break room? Why don't we give piggy-back rides to strangers in the park? If those examples seem absurd, then so does hand holding.

    Not surprisingly, most guys don't like sweaty palms. And most guys like walking at their own pace. Frankly, it's an inconvenience to hold hands, unless one wants to prevent their kids from running off, or demonstrate close affection. Otherwise, it's a pain. Walking abreast takes up more sidewalk or aisle space, which is annoying for everyone trying to get around you. Unless both people have the same leg length then inevitably one must either slow down or speed up to match the other.

    But of course, I'm sure Franny would have no problem with her Husband holding hands of a beautiful woman to who is not his wife nor a relation. After all, MTV tells us the differences between men and women are all social. So don't be sexist and allow that woman to be treated the same as a straight man. Hell, they could even shower together in the gym, because that's what straight guys do.

  3. "Remember, toxic masculinity doesn't mean that masculinity is inherently toxic, but let me explain why masculinity is inherently toxic."

  4. American men show affection in our own way, we have our own handshakes and hugs we so. We don’t have to be like other people around the world.

  5. This video is great. I grew up feeling ashamed of being myself because I naturally want to embrace people I care about. I still do but am learning to allow me to be me

  6. Omg they are not saying that straight guys should hold hands… They are saying two guys can hold hands and not be gay…
    Y'all are just too much in the comments… Stop watching if you hate it that much.

  7. How is this show WOKE, but using the word "Str8" to describe heteros, and thereby saying the opposite of Straight is damaged… the opposite of straight is Bent, or Crooked! So stupid that is the term used for heteros.

  8. Why don't straight men hold hands?
    Answer: simple it's because between friends it's not something common, also isn't common in girls friendship.

  9. No MTV
    No one killed himself because he was not allowed to hold hand with his “Non romantic” buddy. Proof?
    Everyone else in the world. And I meant the 190 plus countries in the globe. Not just East coast or West coast of America.

    Get back to playing music and let parents handle the social education.

  10. I was with them when they were trying to say that holding hands doesn't make you gay and policing masculinity isn't cool. But you guys are really trying to push guys to actually hold hands as if it's a thing. It's just not a thing in American culture. Do it if you want but I don't see why you would do it. I understand why you would hug your bro… I don't see why you would kiss your bro on the cheek or even lips in American culture outside of cultural stuff. Holding hands? Like why? And brown's don't mind holding hands as long as it has a purpose. I mean holding hands to pray (I don't pray I'm and Atheist) makes sense. Hold hands for a group thing. But holding hands while you walk down the street? For why? I don't even see women do it very often.

    But I get it. "Feminine" actions doesn't make you gay. Cool. But don't push us to actually do the feminine actions. Let it happen naturally.

    I mean guys where pink and hug it out often now a days. If we find a reason to hold hands we'll bro that up too.

  11. I hate this channel. I hate it because it's pretty much all bullshut and you are indoctrinating young, impressionable people by telling them what to think, not how to think.

  12. Okay, all this I support but backkkkk away from the Larry! Holding hands is one thing, but those two were/are in love and those not able to see it are just being heteronormative!

  13. Ughrrr I like this channel!!! I do!
    But you have meddled with the Larry world, without much knowledge of anything really. I'm sorry, but you should not mess with that. I understand the example, but the concept that their friendship was ruined by girls thinking they were a couple is not true. They were/are a couple… and people who don't believe it clearly have not watched interviews where they flirt or even given a thought to all the proof there is! Do not mistake toxic masculinity with heteronormativity!!!!

  14. Now I can't let this go…. Larry is real! Open your eyes people. But I do get your point. Women are more feely touchy and because of homophobia that space is not given to men and so our society built on that to dictate the social standards our culture feeds on. I do think you could have been more technical in explaining these things and don't ever say Larry is basic. I've unsubscribed even though I did believe in the content of this channel previous to this video!

  15. Soooo ur telling me that I'm toxic because I don't like to hold another man's hand or kiss another dude like one direction. Well then I don't want to be nontoxic

  16. Masculine alliances aren't expressed by holding fucking hands like "besties" or "bffs" or your girlfriend (or boyfriend for the gay guys). A deliberate handshake when men meet and when men part, or a strong embrace for a man that's a close friend or family member is all there is. Anything else is weird for Western men. Mtv decoded is a joke.

  17. Yes, yes, we get it. White men bad, everyone else good.
    Arabs hold hands. Much progressive, such love.
    But also:
    About half of Indonesians, roughly 130 million people, support Sharia law, 43% have a positive view of Hezbollah and 39% have a positive view of Hamas.

    65% of Egyptians, more than 60 million people, support Sharia law, 70% have 'positive' or 'mixed' feelings about Osama bin Laden, 30% have a positive view of Hezbollah and 49% have a positive view of Hamas.

    76% of Pakistanis, almost 150 million people, support Sharia law.

    47% of Bangladeshi Muslims believe that suicide bombings and violence in defense of Islam is 'sometimes justified', 82% support Sharia law and two thirds, more than 100 million people, support honor killings of women.

    71% of Nigerian Muslims, about 70 million people, support Sharia law, 45% have a positive view of Hezbollah, 49% have a positive view of Hamas and 34% believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified.

    83% of Iranians, almost 70 million people, support Sharia law.

    32% of the Turkish population, more than 30 million people, support honor killings of women.

    Three quarters of Moroccans, roughly 26 million people, support Sharia law and 68% approve of attacks on American troops.

    78% of Iraqis, almost 30 million people, support honor killings of women.

    76% of Afghans, about 26 million people, support honor killings of women and 99% support Sharia law.

    60% of Jordanians, about 6 million people, support Hamas, 55% have a positive view of Hezbollah and 72% approve of attacks on American troops.

    38% of Lebanese Muslims say suicide attacks against civilians in defense of Islam are justified.

    39% of Muslims in Malaysia say suicide bombings are "justified" in defense of Islam.

    82% of Egyptian Muslims favor stoning adulterers.
    70% of Jordanian Muslims favor stoning adulterers.

    42% of Indonesian Muslims favor stoning adulterers.

    82% of Pakistani Muslims favor stoning adulterers.

    56% of Nigerian Muslims favor stoning adulterers.

    84% of Egyptian Muslims support the death penalty for leaving Islam.
    86% of Jordanian Muslims support the death penalty for leaving Islam.

    30% of Indonesian Muslims support the death penalty for leaving Islam.

    76% of Pakistani Muslims support death the penalty for leaving Islam.

    51% of Nigerian Muslims support the death penalty for leaving Islam.

    70% of Palestinians believe suicide bombings are 'often' or 'sometimes' justified.
    82% of Palestinians in the Gaza Strip and 58% overall support stabbing attacks in the confrontation with Israel.

    48% of Palestinians have a 'favorable' opinion on Hamas.

    45% of Palestinians have a 'favorable' opinion on Hezbollah.

    25% of Palestinians have a 'favorable' opinion on al-Qaeda.

    16% of Palestinians have a 'favorable' or 'neutral' opinion on ISIS.

    89% of Palestinians support Sharia law.

    93% of Palestinians believe that homosexuality should be illegal.

    87% of Palestinians believe that a woman should always obey her husband.

    66% of Palestinians believe a woman should not be allowed to divorce her husband.

    47% of Palestinians believe that women should be forced to wear veils.

    90% of Palestinians approve of attacks on American troops.

    30% of Palestinians support attacks on American civilians working in Muslim countries.

    24% of Palestinians support the murder of Americans on U.S. soil.

    35% of French Muslims believe that suicide bombings in defense of Islam are 'sometimes justified'.
    78% of British Muslims want to legally prosecute cartoonists of Mohammad, 12% believe that suicide attacks against civilians in Britain can be justified and 1 in 4 support suicide attacks against British troops.

    13% of American Muslims believe violence against civilians in defense of Islam is 'sometimes justified' and 19% have 'favorable' or 'mixed' feelings towards al-Qaeda.

    16% of young Muslims in Belgium state terrorism in defense of Islam is "acceptable".

    26% of young Muslims in America believe suicide bombings are justified.

    35% of young Muslims in Britain believe suicide bombings are justified (24% overall).

    42% of young Muslims in France believe suicide bombings are justified (35% overall).

    22% of young Muslims in Germany believe suicide bombings are justified (13% overall).

    29% of young Muslims in Spain believe suicide bombings are justified (25% overall).

    18% of Muslim students in Britain would not report a fellow Muslim planning a terror attack.

    2 in 3 Muslims in Britain would not report terror plot to police.

    48% of British Muslims would not report a person "linked to terror."

    25% of British Muslims disagree that a Muslim has an obligation to report terrorists to police.

    19% of Muslim-Americans say that violence is justified in order to make Sharia the law in the United States.

    25% of Muslim-Americans say that violence against Americans in the United States is justified as part of the "global Jihad".

    Only about half of Muslims worldwide disapprove of al-Qaeda and Taliban.

    45% of British Muslims agree that clerics preaching violence against the West represent "mainstream Islam".

    32% of American Muslims have a favorable or neutral view of al-Qaeda.

    One third of British Muslim students support killing for Islam and 40% want Sharia law.

    One third of British Muslims believe anyone who leaves Islam should be killed.

    Following the Charlie Hebdo attacks, 27% of British Muslims openly support violence against cartoonists.

    40% of British Muslims want Sharia in the UK.

    28% of British Muslims want Britain to be an Islamic state.

    68% of British Muslims support the arrest and prosecution of anyone who insults Islam.

    62% of Muslims want Sharia in Canada.

    33% of Muslim-Americans say that Sharia should be supreme to the US Constitution.

    77% of Muslims in Denmark believe the Quran's instructions should be 'fully applied'.

  18. Oh shut up! I don’t hold hands with any adult that I’m not dating. Why? Cause I don’t want to. Now piss off.

  19. Why is this "straight" guy obsessed with hand holding? This guy is fighting the gay. Just give in dude and keep me out of it.

  20. Liberalism is a dangerous mental violent disorder. The fact that liberals don't understand biology is frightening. Women are closer to women BECAUSE they are born from a woman. Men are not born from a man, so they are not going to feel the same biological connection.

  21. With so many of these 'SJW we know better than you, 'mansplaining', tell you what to do' videos out there that have such a high dislike ratio constantly, you'd think they'd have learnt by now?

    The fact that yet another video of the calibre exists yet again, like this one, shows that they haven't learnt…

  22. What a load of crap. I remember how cool MTV was back in the day and now you suck. All i ever hear is how im toxic for this reason and that reason. The truth is you are the toxic ones and the longer this goes on the more you toxic SJWs are becoming modern Nazis

  23. Let's save the hand holding for romantic/intimate relations between two people whatever their gender. As for male to male contact let's leave that to be determined naturally. In other words we're good as is. ✌

  24. I like how they got the most betamax soy boy to represent a straight guy…No straight alpha man says "toxic masculinity"

  25. These people are the most moronic wastes of space I have ever seen in my life. That basically goes for every SJW I have the displeasure of coming into contact with.

  26. Hmm maybe it’s because they are straight and straight guys won’t hold hands with their friends or other males, holding hands are for people who love each other, do you see woman who do this? This is not toxic masculinity

  27. Why don’t straight men hold hands? Because they’re not gay stupid. The oxymoron just in the title alone is appalling!!!!! And trust me if my man started holding hands with his buddies I’d be out. Real women want manly men. You are toxic.

  28. I cant believe people have to spell this out for you but… typically men and women only hold hands as a sign of intimate affection….. got nothing to do with your made up psycho babble "toxic" masculinity, hell even female friends dont usually just hold hands for no reason

  29. Men don't hold hands because it's a sign of affection on a more deeper sexual type… so for two men to do it would be gay.
    Though women are more comfortable with the idea.. you still don't see women walking around holding each other's hands.. because you know.. it's gay.

  30. I don't ever remember ever being taught not to hold hands with boys… it was just something you didn't do.. naturally. And the same reason why wanting to hold the hand of your first crush or girlfriend came so naturally. It's not "toxic masculinity" .. it's fucking nature you dum dums.

  31. 1:04 Tell that to the women that cry sexual assault over a friendly shoulder touch. hahahha you just destroyed your own narrative.

  32. Because holding hands is for faggots.
    Mystery solved Franchesca.

    Now go back to making videos about you crying like a bitch over racism, stay in your lane🤣

  33. I like how the cisgender dude made a psychotic choking motion with his hands when he first talked about babies. Yeah, that was normal! Also why not just call him a straight guy? Why cisgender guy? Is it an attempt to make normal people seem not normal by giving them a not normal sounding term like cisgender?

  34. Wow I never liked MTV in the first place but watching 2 episodes of "MTV Decoded" makes me want to throw up. These people are so dumb. This girl is talking about things she knows nothing about and makes absolutely absurd statements without using any factual evidence to back any of her statements up. I really hope you morons don't make season 8, but judging by the like to dislike ratio I can sleep safe knowing this stupidity won't ever be published again.

  35. The guy with the bushy beard and the crazy eyes acts as straight as a U-Bend. Adult men holding hands in western culture is not "bad", but men who are straight do not want to do it and men who do hold hands are as gay as a rainbow. The woman is clueless and he's a twit…

  36. I agree (as a man) that toxic masculinity is an issue. Straight men not wanting to hold hands is not an example of that. While in some cultures, holding hands is a sign of platonic affection and not romantic, it's not here. If I see two people holding hands, in America, then I'm going to assume they're a couple, regardless of gender. Holding hands represents two people being together romanticly, so obviously, straight men won't want to do that. A thing that I think straight men should be more open to is hugging and things like that, but holding hands is universally seen as a romantic thing. It's not rocket science.

  37. Biologists have found that the reflex is significantly more frequent in infants of fur carrying primate species. They theorize that the grasping reflex evolved as it is essential to survival in species where the young are carried in the fur. This suggests that the grasping reflex is vestigial in humans and in other not fur carrying primates.

  38. Why wouldn’t I hold a woman’s hand, as a heterosexual male I feel like I’d get more oxytocin holding a woman’s hand.

  39. So…holding hands is a form of intimacy and/or support. Since I'm not intimate with other men, and therefore don't hold their hands, your answer is: "homophobe" and "toxic masculinity"?

    I want to know when we're going to start talking about toxic femininity.

  40. straight men don't like holding hands, that's just the way it is, look at your like to dislike ratio, pretty sure nobody agrees with you.

  41. You boys reading this, ask the girl you like out on a date. Take her to the movies, then try to hold her hand with her consent… you’d feel real adrenaline! Overcome that fear, nothing bad is going to happen other than she saying no to you. Thats it. Dudes don’t hold hands, we just shake hands or high five ‘em!

  42. Next week's lesson for all you NPCs out there is: Why don't straight men put their cocks in each others' mouths? It's only societal norms and toxic masculinity that stops us. And if you don't do it, you're a racist, sexist, homophobic bigot. Message sponsored by Francesca Ramsay NPC programming corp.

  43. Oh since we are talking about science and babies. Maybe you social constructionists would like the work of Connellen et al (2000). That showed that male and female babies showed affinity for objects and faces respectful. Showing that gender specific preferences are in part biological. But please continue to wax lyrically about “systemic male fragility” and other unsupported nonsense.

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